How To Stay Together Outside the Mafia (Thanks, Mukuro)
by OnceABlueMoon
Summary: This was a Code Red situation. Tsuna's guardians were insecure and he would have to make sure their run-away-with-the-dark-thoughts-because-that's-a-fun-road-to-go-down brains understood the situation as it was. He might be dame, but he had learned. There was only ONE thing to do in a situation like this: Call your mom! ... And the rest of his family, because he was not that dame.


**Summary:** There was nothing wrong with needing reassurance, but it had been blowing up lately with all his guardians, and Tsuna hadn't been able to figure out why. Now, however, it was all crystal clear.

This was a Code Red situation. His angst babies were insecure and he would have to make sure their run-away-with-the-dark-thoughts-because-that's-a-fun-road-to-go-down brains would once again understand the situation as it was.

He might be dame, but he had learned. There was only ONE thing to do in a situation like this: Call your mom!

.

.

.

.

.

And the rest of his family, because he wasn't _that_ hopeless.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn

* * *

''BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE DECIMO!''

Tsuna's voice shook the very foundations of the house.

Mukuro sighed and pushed another cookie cutter into the dough.

When he moved in with the Sawada's, he'd narrowed his eyes at Mama- as this woman insisted he call her- who's flowery aura of… Surprisingly not death, though he had the idea that the woman that birthed Tsunayoshi must have the same strange dual qualities. He was certain it could turn murderous any moment, and yet still smell like fresh laundry and lavender.

…She seemed like the type that would scent her victims with her personal brand of perfume.

''What do you want for our boarding?''

She'd blinked, tapped her lips and beamed. ''Well, if you insist, I'd love to have some help with baking! Making treats for the whole family is a lot of work! But don't worry, I do it with love and I'm sure you will too!''

Mukuro had flinched away from the disgustingly bright woman, but had accepted the apron she handed him. Frowning, he'd unfolded it. It was a frilly, purple garment. The upper part was shaped like the top-half of a heart, with the lower half having the likeliness of a ruffled skirt. It would have been adorable on Chrome, but this was apparently Mukuro's apron, and he was going to _rock_ it.

Sure, cute was a no-go, but that was Chrome's area. Mukuro was the drop dead sexy half of the twin act. He would work Lolita like no man had worked it before!

Cackling to himself, he swung his narrow hips to let the ruffles bounce properly and set out to help his Mama.

…Calling her that was just practice for when he took over Tsunayoshi's body. Yeah. That was it.

* * *

Sawada Tsunayoshi was devil spawn. Literally.

''Welcome to THE Sawada Household, Mukuro. Welcome to Hell.'' He had murmured when he'd come home on Mukuro's arrival day, before falling over the table in exhaustion.

Mukuro had not believed him. He'd even joked about it! "I've already been to hell six times. Not to this particular Hell, no.'' Sarcasm, so lovely, applicable in every situation.

By now, however, reality had sunk in. The Sawada Household was the seventh Hell Mukuro had landed in, and he wasn't all that eager to leave. This one taught the deadliest tricks, mind you. Sawada Nana was the greatest Satan he had ever seen.

Top techniques included: The Flowery Aura of Death, Set-the-Table, Mama's Disappointment, the Guilttrip, Religion inducing Cooking, Yes-You-Must-Go-Bathe and the most deadly of all: Love Makes the World Go Round (Fly, you fools!).

So here he was, a few weeks into his stay at the Sawada household, making little cat-shaped cookies for Chrome, yoyo's for Chikusa and paws for Ken. The only ones he owned up to making specifically for someone were the paws, of course. He couldn't help but snigger as he pushed the mini-paw out of the cookie cutter with a fork. Comparing Ken to a dog in _any_ way was guaranteed to get great reactions. Teasing him was just too much fun!

The door slid closed behind him, and an arm reached past him, snatching up part of the dough. _Nobody_ touched the dough.

Mukuro's fork missed the hand by a hair's breadth.

''God fucking damn it, Rokudo! Let a man have his cookie dough!''

Whirling around (ruffles _rushing,_ to his eternal pleasure), Mukuro smiled at Gokudera. ''Well, well, well, Ha-ya-to~~ Have a little argument with the _boss_?''

Gokudera shivered.

Popping a chocolate chip into his mouth, Mukuro smirked. Gokudera's insecurities were just too easy to play into and those flowery aura of death lessons were paying off. Mama was awesome (No, not a personal meaning, it was a general opinion.

…

Okay, maybe not just a general opinion, but Sawada Nana's food was Worthy of Worship and Mukuro was pretty sure she somehow managed to enslave him through it, the devilish woman!)

''He's still refusing to talk about the future. Any attempt to talk to him about being Decimo, our future together… It just fails,'' Gokudera stared morosely at his empty hand as if he were seeing the bottom of a whiskey glass (if Chrome asked, Mukuro had _no idea_ how that might look) instead of a cookie dough-free hand. The way his eyes widened reminded Mukuro of a mutt. This was probably what people meant when they talked about ''puppy dog eyes,''.

Mukuro handed the white-haired adolescent more dough. A technique to keep him talking. Sympathy was for the weak.

…Tsunayoshi not becoming Decimo was a problem if Mukuro wanted to possess his body and destroy the mafia. Then again, Tsunayoshi being in a relationship with Tsunayoshi 2.0 (the red-headed one) and Cherry-blossom-chan (even just thinking about calling Hibari that made him cackle in glee) meant Cherry-blossom-chan had _touched_ that body. Tsunayoshi was tainted now and possessing his body might result in cooties.

Letting Chrome join the Vongola might be an option after all. She deserved to be happy and being one of Sawada's guardians certainly seemed to do the job!

Mukuro wanted to wash his mouth out with soap, the sugar was too much.

But, in the interest of Chrome's future happiness, Mukuro couldn't let Tsunayoshi go on about not becoming Decimo. Because if he wasn't Decimo, then what use would he have for a tool like Muku- Chrome?

Chrome would be all alone again, without heating! No more cookies to bake for a house full of people, no more ruffled aprons to wear, no Fran to antagonize about his crush on Le Petit Prince (Squealing? Mukuro? No, that was Chrome! Honestly, you people!) and most of all: No one to love an asshole like- he meant cutie- Chrome.

Leaving the fork stuck in the counter and Gokudera with more cookie dough, Mukuro stalked out of the kitchen. Tying his apron strings tighter, Mukuro clenched his jaw. He was going to do something selfless for the first time in years.

Protect his adorable Chrome's future and defend Gokudera's hurt feelings so he could snigger about it later.

No self-interest at all! The things Mukuro did for his subordinates!

Now, on to make Sawada Tsunayoshi cease his attempts to abandon his post as heir!

* * *

''Sawada Tsunayoshi!''

A disembodied voice resonated through the room. Mist drifted, engulfing the bed, kotatsu and desk with little effort. The door creaked, the curtains skid closed, the sound of metal against metal.

An eerie silence settled.

''If you're just here to spy on me, get out or be more subtle.'' Tsunayoshi looked up from his attempts to straighten his tie, completely ignoring the fact that only his upper half was completely covered.

''My, my, my, Tsunayoshi, so forward!''

The brunette didn't even bother to wave him away. ''I'm too used to you guys storming my room at all hours.'' A tired sigh.

The room darkened. ''I heard your fight with Gokudera. As the Socially Inept Person in this household, I must say-''

''Isn't Kyouya the Socially Inept Person?'' Tsunayoshi continued to struggle with his tie. Honestly, the guy was a _fashion disaster._ How a respectable Madame Murder like Sawada Nana had birthed him… Mukuro had no idea.

Before he could answer, the brunette opened his mouth again. ''Oh, wait, Kyouya's the Social-Skills-Nonexistent-Get-Tetsuya-To-Translate Person.''

If even Tsunayoshi thought so, then how did their relationship even work? Did Kusakabe just… sit there all the time? Next to them?

…Then again, Tsunayoshi 2.0. doubtlessly had that woman (Adel, the one with the Murder Maniac tendencies) hovering over him, so maybe she and Kusakabe just did well in company.

Mukuro would have to look into that later- the greatest blackmail material ever.

''But what were you saying about Hayato?''

Mukuro's fist clenched. Tsunayoshi said it so casually, as if nothing had happened. And that was, as even he could admit, absolutely awful in the face of all Gokudera's work. Mukuro hated do-gooders, but the bomber spent a lot of time with the Sawada's, and there was no way the illusionist couldn't notice all the effort the man put into becoming a better righthand man. And this reaction? It was utterly unfair to him.

Damn it. Mukuro had picked up a strayagain. Just don't feed them, and it will be alright, was the golden rule, but he kept breaking it, and the minute he fed them, he was gone! …Let's just bury that underneath a mountain of denial, ne?

Curse the heavens for creating the Mist with a pinch of Sky flame-alignment! Mukuro pouted.

Appearing from thin air in front of Tsunayoshi's nose, Mukuro jabbed a finger into his chest and hissed: ''Stop saying you don't want to be Decimo. The fool is trying so hard to do better and you just keep throwing that back in his face every time. How do you think that makes him feel?''

Tsuna sighed. ''You can't force me into a career just because you want me to be, Mukuro.''

''I said _Gokudera_ wanted it,'' Mukuro crossed his arms, ''He's never had a safe family before- you can't take that from him!''

Tsuna's mouth fell open. '' _That_ is what this is all about?''

''What else would it be about? The cookies? Because there's sure a hell nothing wrong with those, I assure you!''

''I know, I know, go put them in the oven- we're going to need them in a bit.''

''I wasn't making any!''Mukuro yelled as Tsuna pushed him through the door opening. ''I _wasn't!''_

* * *

Slumping against the door, Tsuna rubbed his temples. God. Mukuro was insecure and had a Small and Breakable Heart (…and would probably slit your throat with the pieces left of it but that wasn't the point in case). He was one of the most reassurance-needing guardians, and Tsuna's storm was _Gokudera._

There was nothing wrong with needing reassurance, but it had been blowing up lately with all his guardians, and Tsuna hadn't been able to figure out why. Now, however, it was all crystal clear.

This was a Code Red situation. His angst babies were insecure and he would have to make sure their run-away-with-the-dark-thoughts-because-that's-a-fun-road-to-go-down brains would once again understand the situation as it was.

He might be dame, but he had learned. There was only ONE thing to do in a situation like this: Call your mom!

.

.

.

.

.

And the rest of his family, because he wasn't _that_ hopeless.

* * *

Sitting on a chair in the circle, Tsuna stapled his hands against each other. '''We're here today because it has come to my attention that we have a communication problem.''

Gokudera almost choked on his drink. ''What?! How has this not come to my attention before?!''

Yamamoto patted him on the back.

''It _has_ come to your attention. We've been fighting about this since forever and I'm d _one.''_

'''Giving up is EXTREMELY not right, Sawada!'' The rest of the room's occupants began to talk too.

''You have to be Decimo, Juudaime!''

''…Kufufufu, making my dear Chrome cry? She's Murder Moe, Tsunayoshi, she knows where to find you!''

''LAMBO WANTS TO STAY WITH MAMA!''

Tsuna slammed his hand down on the table. ''This is exactly what I mean! If you would shut up for a second, I could tell you-''

''Shut up, dame-Tsuna.'' Reborn jumped down from the ceiling fan, but before his mallet could connect with Tsuna's skull, the brunet's eyes flashed a deep orange and he threw Reborn aside. Landing on the table, Reborn opened his mouth, but Tsuna had _enough._

"GOD FUCKING DAMMNIT, WOULD YOU ALL LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY WHEN I FUCKING SPEAK?! Not you Chrome, you're a sweetheart."

Taking off the ring, he threw it on the ground and stomped on it a couple times. It hurt his feet more than it did the ring harm, but god, that felt good. ''I'm NOT becoming Decimo, and if you all would just listen, you'd know this DOES NOT mean the end of _us_ as a family.''

Gokudera deflated like he was a balloon and Tsuna just stuck a pin in him. ''Oh.''

''Yes, _oh.''_ Tsuna sat back down. ''Though, to be honest, I could've handled this better too. I should've known this was the problem and just taken it out at the root. I'm sorry.''

Ken scoffed. ''Pretty words, Sawada, but how do you wanna keep us together then? I sure as hell ain't seeing results here!''

Tsuna shrugged. ''No offence, but you guys were born into the mafia. You might want to destroy it, but it's hard for you to think in terms of life outside of it. I thought we might be able to come up with something else together.''

''Besides, this house will always be a home for _all_ of you.'' Nana smiled, hugging Lambo to her chest. The little boy melted into the embrace.

''Mama's the best.''

Nobody agreement there.

It was silent for a moment, the only sound to be heard was Kyouya munching on a tonfa cookie. …Tsuna was pretty sure Mukuro had put poison in there. He clearly was nowhere near Bianchi's level, though, because Kyouya hadn't kicked the bucket yet.

Then again, maybe he was trying to give him diabetes. Death by sugary goodness. Mukuro's evil knew no bounds (according to the boy himself, that was. Though the corner of Kyouya's mouth creeping up while he was happily munching on the cookies was definitely creeping Tsuna out).

''…So,'' Bianchi murmured, ''Just because the mafia threw us together, it doesn't mean we have to stay in it together. We can go be together somewhere else. That's what you wanted to say, right? But what's the next step?''

Tsuna cleared his throat. ''I have a four-step plan and it's guaranteed to work. This is how it's going down…''

* * *

''Sawada, that plan EXTREMELY sucks.''

Yamamoto laughed, rubbing his neck. ''Sorry, Tsuna, but Ryohei's right.''

''Of course it sucks!'' Haru rummaged through her bag and threw keys, pads and a crowbar onto the table, before she found the magazines she'd apparently been searching for. The glossy covers gleamed in the light. ''Us, opening up a food factory? Please, we'd sell poisoned goods and be back in the crime business before the day was over- and that is if we didn't get bored and destroy the whole place! No, I have the perfect solution!'' Kyoko did jazz hands behind Haru before the effect. Together, they struck a pose. ''A fashion house!''

''…Wut?''

''Oh, come on, Tsuna-kun! Don't be like that!'' Kyoko bounced up and down. ''We have the perfect skillset for it! Hana, we have a chart, right?''

''I thought the chart was going to _stay a secret,''_ Hana hissed into Kyoko's ear, but she did pull an enormous chart out of her handbag.

''Mary Poppins,'' I-Pin breathed, eyes big and starry, looking like Christmas had come early. Lambo squealed, making grabby hands at the older girl.

Hana stared at her for a moment. ''Okay, never doing that again. It attracts _kids.''_

Lambo pouted, but Nana kept him quiet.

The rest of the room was staring at the charts. Putting on her glasses, Hana began using her laser pointer. ''As you can see here, we have thought about the finances. There are several people who would definitely invest in our ventures, especially with young, talented designers like Haru and Mukuro-san.''

''Runway shows wouldn't be a problem either,'' Kyoko pointed out, ''I know you've done a couple of runway shows before, Hibari-san, and distinctive walks like Ken and Chikusa's would do very well! They'd be able to establish a brand right away!''

''Sasawaga -kun's energy could also work,'' Chrome said quietly, ''Plus, his athletic abilities give him options other models wouldn't have. He could easily maintain his boxing on the side.''

''Ooooh! Good idea!'' Haru fished a pen from underneath the pads and the crowbar and scribbled it down on the chart right away- ignoring Hana's grimace at her neat work being messed up.

''Also, Reborn-san likes suits and Tsuna-san is the perfect watch model!'' Haru elbowed Hana, ''I mean, have you seen his wrists?! Holy objects, I'm telling you!''

Kyoko giggled. Tsuna gaped.

''Hmmm…'' Mukuro tapped his lips, ''My dear Chrome, you would do VERY well with perfume spots, don't you think?''

Chrome hid a laugh behind her hand. ''Only if it's called 'Murder Moe'.''

Bianchi cocked her head. ''Hmm… Bit of a silly name, but I could definitely cook something up for a fragrance with an atmosphere like that!''

''Hey!'' Ken shouted, ''No making fun of Mukuro-sama's nicknames!''

''Shut up, Ken!'' Mukuro threw his trident at him like a mother hen curbing her ducklings by pecking at them until they stood in line. ''Anyway,'' he flicked his hair out of his eyes, ''I would only agree to such proposal if I got my own shoe line.''

Gokudera's mouth dropped. ''Are you mad?! Wait- don't answer that. Of course you're getting your own shoe line. I mean, have you seen your shoes? If I knew where to buy boots like that spiky pair you wore yesterday, I'd have gone bankrupt already!'' He bit his lip, ''Um. If we're doing this, that is.''

''Of course we're doing it,'' Bianchi rolled her eyes, ''I'm tired of you stealing my crop tops. If we have a fashion house, we might actually be able to satisfy your clothing addiction.''

Gokudera narrowed his eyes. ''Pot calling the kettle black!''

Nana laughed. ''That's family to you!''

* * *

''…Now we're on the topic anyway, Yamamoto-san, would you be willing to model? We'd love some more eye-candy.''

''Eye-candy, huh?'' Yamamoto's eyes narrowed.

Haru smiled like the cat got the canary. ''Why, yes, we need someone to dress up like a giant grape so Lambo will sit still during the onesie shoots!''

Yamamoto's jaw dropped.

Kyoko appeared behind Haru, tucking a lock behind her ear. ''That's not what you said last night, sweetheart!''

She winked at Yamamoto. ''Don't worry, Takeshi-kun! Byakuran-san sure won't be the only one who will enjoy all those shirtless photoshoots!''

Never mind _Flame Fashio_ n™ _,_ who the hell let Kyoko-chan talk to Byakuran and how much time did they have left before the world imploded?!

* * *

In the end, it all came down to this: No matter what Mukuro said about Tsuna's fashion sense, Vongola was the final boss, and they defeated it _together._

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Xanxus became Decimo and buys Flame Fashion in bulk. Dino is eternally grateful to Mukuro for designing the sexiest heels in existence because Xanxus _rocks_ them.

Interviewer: "Where did your brand name come from?"

Haru: "Funny story, actually! We kept saying our people were flaming!"

Kyoko: *beams and the world falls in love," So we called it "Flame Fashion" because we're on fire!''

Tsuna: *looks at the camera with dead eyes* They set everything on fire. Everything. There is no escape.

 **I might write some more about the Flame Fashion house, so if anyone has suggestions, don't hesitate to tell me! Maybe I'll get inspired because I know you lot- you're enablers! Also, a fun experiment** : **Leave a review with some KHR fashion headcanons! I'm curious what you guys think what kind of high fashion the KHR characters would wear!**

Thanks a LOT to i-w-p-chan for squealing with me! The line "GOD FUCKING DAMMNIT, WOULD YOU ALL LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY WHEN I FUCKING SPEAK?! Not you Chrome, you're a sweetheart." was her first reaction when I told her what I was writing and she gave me permission to use it! :D

Other than that, the moment between Bianchi and Gokudera was inspired by a post by incorrectkhr !

The ''Mist with a pinch of sky'' was inspired by night-mare's Mukuro from the Cradle 'verse!

And also thanks to operaeagleicelynlacelett for asking me about Mukuro doing chores and Tsuna one-upping Reborn which reminded me of this, and got me writing again!


End file.
